Things I can’t

At the moment my anxiety and depression levels are through the roof. I’m more than confident that this time it’s because of things at work, that that is the underlying trigger, but this would be one of the rare times I can find a good explanation.

Right now I’m convinced that no one likes me. I’m really sure that no one likes me. No one. I think that people put up with me but they’re glad when I’m not around. Even people I think are my friends, I’m convinced they don’t like me. That I’m boring to them. That I’m a waste of their time. I’m absolutely convinced. This is what my head is telling me.

And there is no reason for it at all.

I literally woke up one day recently and felt as though no one liked me. For no reason at all I felt completely excluded and unwanted, even though I know that isn’t the case. I know this, but my brain overrides the logic.

And because I feel like this I’m avoiding people. I’m fulfilling my own prophecy. I’m avoiding people so I’m being excluded from conversations because I’m not there. So I’ve spent the whole day hiding in my bed because I think everyone hates me.

I’m so tired. I’m so tired all of the time. I know it will pass. But I know it will come back. It’s an ugly feeling. The other day I got some beautiful make up, but I still feel ugly. And I hate myself. And this never ends.

It will pass for a while.

I just want to sleep until it’s over.

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