Today is day 5 of 500 Days of Awesome.
But today isn’t that awesome. I’m having a down day. It’s a serious down day. I expect them every so often, and I know they’ll pass, but it still drives me crazy. It still hurts my head. Today I’m on one of those brinks where I just want to fall off the other side and lay wherever I land. And stay there.
One of those days.
I wanted to write a whole lot more stuff here, I wanted to talk about the girl, the way things are going, all of the confusion it’s causing me, the mindfuck and the emotional rollercoaster, but I can’t. I can’t even bring myself to try and put the words down.
That’s one side of depression. The lethargy. Sometimes I’m full of words, sometimes there’s a rush of them, sometimes I can thrive off of my depression, but other times there’s nothing, there’s just a blank space and a tiredness that’s laughable.
I’m holding off popping the valium because I don’t want to turn to relying on more medication than I need to.
I don’t think things are going to work out. I’m too paranoid. I doubt too much. I’m too paranoid.